Settling and nights

Bedtime routine

Of all the sleep advice out there, a consistent bedtime routine has some of the best evidence behind it. In a randomized trial of 405 families with babies and toddlers aged 7–36 months, adding a simple nightly routine meant children fell asleep faster, woke less and slept in longer stretches. Mothers' moods improved too, all within 2 weeks (Mindell 2009, industry-funded, see paper).

That trial's routine was simple: a bath, a gentle massage, then a quiet activity like cuddling or a lullaby, with lights out within 30 minutes. A few things seem to matter most:

• The same few steps, in the same order, every night: bath or wash, pajamas and sleep sack, a feed, teeth, a book, a song, lights out.
• Short, about 20–30 minutes is plenty.
• Dim lights, quiet voices and no screens while winding down.
• A consistent bedtime within about half an hour most nights. Babies with very irregular bedtimes tend to sleep a bit less.

You can start a routine at any age, even in the newborn weeks.

How your baby falls asleep

Babies fall asleep in all sorts of ways: feeding, rocking, being held, a hand on the tummy, or on their own in the crib. All of these are normal. None of them harms your baby. They only become something to change if they stop working for your family, for example if you're rocking your baby back to sleep many times a night and are running on empty.

Customs vary widely around the world, including where babies sleep, when they go to bed and how much parents help them settle (Mindell 2010). There's no single right way.

Settling approaches: what the research says

If you'd like your baby to settle more independently, several approaches have been studied. Chickpea doesn't recommend one over another. Choose what fits your baby and your family, or none of them. Whatever your approach, the safe-sleep basics still apply.

• Gradual retreat / parental presence: you stay in the room while your baby settles, moving your chair a little further away every few nights.
• Bedtime fading: you temporarily move bedtime later, to when your baby actually falls asleep quickly, then bring it earlier in small steps.
• Timed check-ins (graduated extinction): you settle your baby in the crib and leave, returning for brief, calm check-ins at gradually longer intervals.
• Put down drowsy, respond as needed: you lay your baby down calm but awake and help as much as they need, a little less over time. (This is closer to what most families already do than a distinct studied approach.)

What the studies show:

• A review of 52 studies found that behavioral approaches like these improve bedtime struggles and night waking for most children (Mindell 2006).
• In a trial of babies aged 6–16 months (n=43), both timed check-ins and bedtime fading helped babies fall asleep faster than in a comparison group. Stress-hormone levels didn't rise, and there were no effects on attachment (Gradisar 2016).
• Children whose families used timed check-ins or parental presence as babies were followed up to age 6. There were no lasting effects, good or bad, on emotions, behavior, stress or the parent-child relationship (Price 2012).
• Most of this research involves babies 6 months and older. Before then, focus on routines, day/night cues and gentle settling.

Before starting any approach: check with your pediatrician if your baby isn't growing well, is unwell, or still needs night feeds. Pick a stretch without big changes like travel, illness or starting daycare. Whatever approach you choose, keep it consistent for about a week before judging it.

Night waking

• Waking at night is normal at every age in the first years. Babies aged 6–11 months wake about once a night on average, and about 95% fall somewhere between none and 3 (a statistical spread rather than the full range seen, Galland 2012).
• "Sleeping through the night" happens at very different ages. The biggest jump in babies' longest sleep stretch usually comes between 1 and 4 months, but plenty of healthy babies still wake long after that.
• Night feeds: when your baby can go without them depends on growth and feeding rather than a set age. Talk to your pediatrician before dropping night feeds.
• Dream feeds (a feed given late in the evening without fully waking your baby) are something some families like. There's no solid evidence that they make nights longer, so drop it if it's not helping.

Early mornings

• Waking up between about 6 and 7 AM is normal for many babies and toddlers.
• For wake-ups before 6 AM: keep the room dark (blackout curtains help as the mornings get lighter), and treat it like a night waking: quiet, dim, brief. Start the day at a consistent time.
• Look at the day, too. A very long or very short stretch awake before bed, or a first nap that comes very early, can all feed early waking. Adjust one thing at a time, by 10–15 minutes, for a few days.

Clock changes and travel

• Daylight saving: there are two common approaches, neither one tested in a study. Either shift naps and bedtime by about 15 minutes a day over the 4 days before the change, or just switch to the new clock on the day and let your baby catch up over a week or so. Both work.
• Time zones: get daylight in the morning and keep the usual routine at the new local times. Most babies adjust within a few days.
• Chickpea's times follow your local clock automatically, including after a clock change or when you travel.

When to talk to your pediatrician

• Snoring on most nights, pauses in breathing or gasping while asleep.
• Night waking that suddenly increases along with fever, pain, ear pulling or illness.
• Concerns about weight or feeding.
• You're exhausted, low or not coping. That's a good reason to ask for help too.